The main problem with this, is the Motte and Bailey of modern Feminism.

The only way in modern times to respond to “are you a feminist” is to adopt the classic “if by whiskey,” as enumerated by the great statesman Noah Soggy Sweat Junior from the state of Mississippi:

My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey:

If when you say whiskey you mean the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.

But, if when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman’s step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life’s great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.

This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.

I’ll demonstrate, by a simple find/replace in the classic example.

My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about feminism. All right, here is how I feel about feminism:

If when you say feminism you mean enforced equity in ignorance of merit, ignorance of basic biological scientific truths, and disproportionate application of the law; if you mean disempowering women in order to elevate their status in a thoroughly manufactured and tremendously flawed social hierarchy which heaps the most praise on the greatest victim; if you mean biological males who identify as female beating the shit out of biological females at competitive sports of strength, endurance, and combat, then certainly I am against it.

But, if when you say feminism you mean universally equal opportunity for the strong, intelligent caring female gender to compete in the marketplace of ideas and actions with their male counterparts on their own merit, which they do have; if you mean empowering messaging meant to develop the strength of women to overcome or completely avoid any victimhood they might face due to traditional influences; if you mean holding sacred the safe spaces they’ve been granted by our society, then certainly I am for it.

This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.

Conscientious objector to the culture war. I think a lot. mirror: www.freakoutery.com writer at: www.opensourcedefense.org beggar at: www.patreon.com/bjcampbell

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